The Weight of Winter and the Weight of the World

It’s dark morning and night

When it’s not dark I’m working, doing chores, and attacking my next project.

When I see the sun rays touching the snow on the evergreen

I’m reminded about what I’m missing.

I miss going outside without a jacket.

I miss the green grass and the warm breeze.

I miss being able to stand outside without shaking and shivering.

I miss warm fingers, warm toes.

I even miss thunder, lightning, and rain.

We are in the middle, and I want to be at the end.

Did I enjoy summer enough?

Was I grateful for everyday?

Or did I sometimes nap in the hot sun thinking those days would last forever?

How could I have squandered away a beautiful day inside?

What is wrong with me?

How could I not know how precious it was when it was here?

What if there aren’t enough sunny days left in my life?

What if I cannot see the ocean again?

What if I never got to see Europe now that the world is so unstable?

What if we no longer can travel?

What if we have to stand in line ups for bread?

What if this nagging sense of dread never goes away?

I’m scared for all of humanity.

I’m worried about Juan who escaped his country because he wrote the truth of his country, was threatened to death and to escape harm he came to a free land and now he is a prisoner at Guantanamo Bay or El Salvadore? Did he deserve this?

I’m worried about the boy named Sue. Since he was three, he wanted to dance, paint his nails, wear dresses and it is obvious he was born in the wrong body.  God created him just as he is. Should he be shamed and suffer?

I’m worried about the woman helicopter pilot who got her job on merit and now we want to strip that away because only white men never make mistakes.

My heart holds children from Gaza, hostages from Israel, those who fight in wars that make no sense, the poor, the hungry, the hurt, those with physical and mental illness.

Whose bible reads that we should not give to the suffering but take more and more for ourselves?

There is no accountant at the pearly gates. Your place will be no better than the rest.

Most people say, watch a funny show, do some creative work and you will forget.

I don’t want to forget.

I don’t want to ignore, so I feel better.

The huge castles, expensive jewelry, wealth for the power of protection and exploitation of the poor. How have we learned nothing from the past?

Chat again soon,

Michelle